I don't really know what
to say or talk about in this letter. Its been a crazy and hard week. I
don't know if missionaries are supposed to let their family know when
they struggle but I don't want to paint a false image of missions for my
brothers I just want to be honest. Missions are hard. And they just
keep getting harder.
Some excerpts from my presidents letter:
I have been struggling lately, feeling like everything is so overwhelming. It felts (and still sometimes feels) like every day we are being told to work on this thing, and then focus here, and then there, and then apply this principle better. I love everything that we learn but sometimes it feels like there is no way to possibly apply/live them all. I will admit that I got discouraged and overwhelmed.
After pondering all week on what I was feeling and how I needed to change so that I could move past this and focus on the work I finally received the answer, I needed to ask for a blessing, but more than that I felt like I needed a Fathers Blessing, and I felt that there was a very specific brother in our Branch that it was to come from. I don't know if we're supposed to ask for blessings from branch members but I followed the prompting. He is a brother in our ward that has come to call the three of us his "daughters." I have come to love his family so much.
I didn't tell him much of what was on my mind, just that I was overwhelmed. He put his hands on my head to give me a blessing of comfort, took a deep breath and really let the spirit take over. The things he addressed and blessed me with in that blessing are things I have scare let myself dwell on or admit to. I needed a Fathers blessing, I got one, not from him, but from my Father in Heaven. He spoke to me through that brother and I recieved the strength and peace that I needed to continue working hard.
Sorry, that was a very self centered few paragraphs. It was just such a testament to me that my Father is there and he cares, more than I can comprehend he cares. He knows how I feel and wants to help me, I just have to open the door and let him.
Yesterday we had our investigator Elizabeth come to church. This was a small miracle since we haven't seen or talked to her all week. We have reservations about continuing to teach her without her husband being a part of it (since we really don't want to tear the family apart and he's muslim) but she came to church all on her own ready to worship. We're still not entirely sure how to move forward with her but now we know that she is dedicated, I don't know if she can even feel it yet but I can see and feel a difference in her.
Family, the blessing I got yesterday was a miracle
to me. I was getting very very discouraged and even unsure about what I
was doing here. It felt like we were in the middle of a big ocean trying
to move in ANY direction but we just kept getting pushed back to the
same place. The blessing I received addressed every concern that had
been weighing heavily on my mind, even the ones I was trying SO hard to
ignore. It was powerful. I am so grateful for the priesthood and the
blessing it has been to me my entire life. Dad. Thank you so much for
being a worthy priesthood holder. I know I asked you for blessings a lot
but you never ever hesitated to place your hands on my head. Brothers,
please value and respect the priesthood that you do and will hold.
Tania, I am so glad you loved New York. Long
Island is the best huh? Isn't it amazing how the island is so beautiful
in one way and yet the City is beautiful too just in a completely
different way? I love both. Your "one night to yourself" sounds amazing!
We are gonna have so much fun coming back to visit someday (or you can
pick me up.) I have thought about living out here too... Still not quite
sold (its expensive!) but its definitely a beautiful part of the world
and they could use some strong saints.
Dad, I loved your thoughts on Power. I was studying
that this morning in Preach My gospel. It talks about how the sons of
mosiah "went forth with authority and power" to preach the gospel. I was
also curious about what it meant by power. What you wrote is going to
help me as I study that further so thanks.
I love you all so much. I am not very good at
forgetting you yet cuz I miss you so much but I know stephanie is right
and i need to give my whole heart and soul to this and just forget
everything else. Its Hard! but I will keep trying.
I know that this church is true. I know that this is
a great and marvelously important work. At the end of the day... its
all that really matters. Its amazing how caught up in the world we can
be and not even realize it. I think it takes something like a mission to
really put things into perspective. I mean, maybe its just because its
my 24/7 right now but man... NOTHING else really matters at all. Just
family and the gospel, everything else is secondary.
Love you!
-Sister Maren Hale.
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