I feel so much love through your letters this week. I needed to hear a lot of what you had to say.
I
feel like I am riding a rollercoaster out here. Some day are way way up
and other days... well, not so great. But I can feel my Savior teaching
me through every down moment. I hope the reason that its up and down is
that he has lots to teach me and not that I am just not learning the
lesson. Somehow I feel like its probably both but more of the second.
There is so much to tell about this week I don't
know where to begin. First of all on Tuesday we had an awesome Sisters
Conference at the mission office. The theme was President Uchtdorf's
talk from the General Young Women's Conference this last april, "Your
wonderful Journey." I highly recommend a study of this talk. It changed
me and the way I want to be.
After the conference was over we had a few minutes
to talk to the sisters that were there and I had the chance to talk to
Sister Chipman a little bit. She has just been made a Sister Training
Leader like Stephanie is in El Salvador. For the last little while
everyone has been asking me how I am doing and I say I am good but I
guess I have expressive eyes that tell a different story. Anyways, when
she asked me I finally broke down. I am so so so grateful that she is
here. We talked a bit and she asked me the same question you did mom.
How am I doing with David's day coming up. I didn't even know she knew. I
couldn't remember when she had left and if it had been before and
after. Turns out his accident happened just 2 or 3 days before she left.
She told me about a phone conversation she had with Tania, the last
time she talked to her before she was set apart. I don't know if Tania
would want me to write details but Tania, I am so grateful for you. You
weren't sent to our family to be the oldest for a very special reason
and purpose. You always watch out for each of us. I am feeling your love
here through Megan.
To answer the question though... its going to be
hard. I thought I was okay and that I had left it all at home but the
truth is there are still moments where I just want to talk to him and my
heart aches. I was really hoping that that day wouldn't be a P-day...
but it is. I had hoped to honor him that day by going out and working
hard doing missionary work, his passion in life. Sister Chipman promised
me that she would come down and we would do something to make it
special. Not sure what yet... maybe service... but it will be good.
Now for the good part. We had an absolutely AMAZING
day on Friday. We had 5 appointments set up... which is good out here.
Unfortunately on days where you have that many appointments my
experience has been that at least half, if not more, fall through and it
ends up being a less than wonderful day. But not this Friday. This
friday every. single. one. worked out. We taught so many lessons and had
some awesome finding opportunities too. I wish I could go into more
detail but honestly I am running out of time.
I wish I could say that that high from Friday stuck
with me into the weekend but it didn't. We had ward correlation on
sunday morning and I felt criticized for some of the things that we were
asking of the branch. Anyways, don't think I should go too much into it
but then that night while reporting numbers our district leader had to
lovingly correct us. I got down again feeling like no matter how hard we
try and what direction we move we're doing something wrong. So I hit my
knees. I didn't get any answers but I had a nice talk with my Heavenly
Father and he just listened to me, like a good friend he just listened
and empathized.
Then this morning when I woke up he started giving
me advice. My companions wanted to go running at the park so we got up a
little early and I brought our conference Ensign with us to read as I
walked. I must have read 3-5 talks and I noticed a new theme that I
hadn't picked up before. I learned a few things.
#1 We learn that God the Father, his Son Jesus
Christ, and the Holy Ghost are one in purpose. We need to become one
with them as well. One in purpose. One in bringing their children, our
brothers and sisters into the fold of the gospel.
#2 "Obedience to Law is Liberty" Just be obedient.
#3 When we are disobedient we are willingly giving up promised blessings.
#4 Satan does what he does out of Revenge. He wanted to
take away our most precious gift of agency. Ironically by using his, and
choosing what he did, he proved to the world that to go against God is
literally to enter into a state of captivity, to take away our future
progression. Don't follow his example.
Mom, I also read the one about the Idaho Farm Boy
and learned a lot. They're all running together in my head now but I
know that I liked that one.
Bottom line, the answer to my problem(s) is to just be obedient. We
promise investigators all the time that if God commands something then
he provides the way for us to do it. ALWAYS. Every time without faith.
You can count on it. But I don't feel like we as missionaries and
especially me put that promise to the test for ourselves. We have been
commanded to only spend 1 hour at dinner appointments and yet we cry
"impossible!" What a lie. Of course its possible or he wouldn't command
it. "impossible is just a word, a reason for someone not to try." (thats
from a song)... anyways. I need to be more obedient.
I love you family. I am experiencing a lot of things
out here that I have never experienced before and its hard. But it will
be worth it. I just need to stop fighting it and become the person God
wants me to be.
I love you.
-Maren
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