Monday, April 22, 2013

April 22, 2013 Stephanie



April 22, 2013

Dear family!!!!

I can’t tell you how much I needed your letters this week.  Mom thank you for your prayers. They were felt and I literally felt uplifted and strengthened when I didn't have anything left.  This week has been a little harder than others. We are teaching a family with 3 kids and their parents. The father and son were baptized this last week and we are working with the mom and the kids. But, wow family, I have never seen a family with more problems and well I am growing in my gratitude and love for my own family. The kids are, well, terrors and they run around and through things, brake glass, hit their brothers and sisters with brooms, and literally hit and punch you for no reason whatsoever. Ha, my patients has been tried this week. What is hard is that the parents do not correct or discipline.  I am shocked at how the mom and dad treat each other.  I have learned how I do not want my family ......  It’s been hard because I know that the gospel is what they need but we have not had a chance to actually teach them because every time we get there the kids are off the wall, the spirit is gone, and the house is a mess and we help clean and try to keep the kids from burning down the house. I am at a loss to know how to help...  God is helping and I am learning....
Dad and mom thank you for what you wrote. Dad thank you for the analogy of the net I loved it and I needed to hear it.  I am realizing that my net has a couple of holes that I need to mend so that the Lord can use me better and really trust me with his children...  This week has been hard just because well I have never had to work harder to find investigator to teach......  My area, sorry, it’s a city called Santa Tecla. That is the city I am working in. The colonial Quesaltepeque. The ward is called Girasoles (hah sunflowers in Spanish. My favorite flower) my area is so small that I feel I am walking the same streets 3 to 4 times a day. The members are great to help and everything but the references they give, the people don’t want to hear the gospel. We are trying to find our own investigators but like I said it never has been harder. I am living in a richer part of El Salvador right now and well, hah,  I miss my humble poor people that live day to day on the grace and blessings of God. .... Why are we as humans so prideful and trust in our own ability so much? The people here don’t see the need for God or they already have their church and are good. I have never had to talk to people like this and truly sometimes I am at a loss of what to say. I know they need what I have and that it will bless their lives but to help them see that is another matter. There are some people that have the most random and strange ideas here, ha. But I am realizing that I need to be more prepared to open my mouth on the street and in the bus and everywhere. I need to learn to pay closer attention to the spirit so that I can know what to say and the moment to say it. God is preparing people to hear me but if I never open my mouth I will never find them. 
It’s been a hard week one of humbling and lots of prayers. Today we also have interviews with the President and I have a feeling I will learn lots and will I have lots to change.  Sometimes change can hurt but it’s for the best and I know God will bless so I would appreciate your prayers.....and know that I do feel them.   Prayer changes things!!! I have seen it.
We are moving houses this next week!!! It’s exciting and kind of sad we don't want to leave the house we are in. It’s really fun to live with four girls in one house. We also have changes this week.... weird I know we had changes like 3 weeks ago but I think the President is getting ready for the mission division this upcoming July and is trying to get everything ready. The amount of missionaries that are coming in is also affecting things. We have a lot of missionaries that are waiting for visas for other missions serving in their country until the visas come.  They never know when the visas will come so that could be another reason why we are having changes so fast but we will see what happens. I really doubt that I will change. We just got here, hah, but the President said that the senior companions were going to be the ones leaving this change, so we needed to make sure that our companions knew the area. I am lucky cause, well I feel like my companion knows the area better than me, ha. We both are new and trying to get the hang of things.
We are writing really early this morning and I feel bad cause I won’t be able to see Jake’s and Maren’s letters this week until next week. Sorry Jake and Maren I pray for you both so much and I am so proud of you for the choices you are making. We had zone conference this week and we talked a lot of humility and wow, we all have pride to some degree and we all need and depend on our Father in Heaven. I am learning that I am prideful in many different ways ........one that I am trying to work on is letting the atonement work in my life. There are times that I feel like I try to take too much upon myself and feel like I have to do it alone.  I get really stressed but we have a source of strength and power of knowledge and ideas that is infinite and well all knowing and if we turn to him and let ....,let being the key word, him help us we and our ability to achieve great things becomes even bigger our potential is unlimited with him. I am working on bring the atonement in to my life daily ... one thing that Elder Holland said hit me, God is always working with imperfect servants. He has learned to deal with it. God knows me he knows my weaknesses and imperfections and knows how best to help me. But I have to open the door and invite him to do so and that is where humility is so important.  We need to ask and when we do we will receive. I have seen it and felt it. I just need to remember it so much more often.  Why are we humans so forgetful. Why must we have to learn the same lesson over and over again, hah. My poor Father in Heaven must be smiling down on me and saying ...oh Stephanie we need to relearn this again?  Let’s start from the beginning.....I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has the patience and the love to teach me and help me be better and the faith in me to see what I can become and then do everything in his power to help me become that. Why hesitate to put our hearts and lives into the hands of him who has our happiness and progress in mind. Why do we let pride rule us and stop our progression ... I don't know but I am so grateful that God has given us a way to overcome our weakness and put aside our pride and decide to become better. I am so grateful for the blessing and opportunity of repentance in my life and I am so grateful for my Savior who made it possible for me to repent. I love my Savior so much, I have never realized how much we need him before.... daily, hourly ... minute by minute, We need his grace and forgiveness and love.  I am so grateful that he gives it to us freely ......Family I know that this gospel is true. I have felt the spirit testify of it so many times. I know God loves us and the greatest demonstration of this love is his son Jesus Christ. If you want to feel God’s love, come closer to Christ and use his atonement. There is peace and forgiveness and love waiting for all who do. I love this gospel. I love being a missionary even though sometimes it is hard. hah. 
Family I am so grateful for you and love you all. Pray and read your scriptures. These will keep you close to the lord. Through small and simple things...
With all my love 
Hermana Hale 

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